Your Best Decision
That feeling you get when your heart’s bursting as an inspired thought comes to mind, it becomes a voice that speaks for itself.
Growing up as quite a shy guy with low self-confidence, I used to use my mind to compensate for not being open to things. By ways of over-thinking, over-analysing, paranoia and pessimism, I was unintentionally blocking myself off from ever feeling inspired from within.
After my injury I hadn’t changed much except for physically, though it was 11 months later when in December of 2016 that I had a random meeting with my old social worker (someone I respected highly) that shifted the direction of my life with one decision I made.
She emailed me and asked that I came to her office at the hospital for a meeting to discuss some things with her. Already when she asked me this I was over-thinking her question, she wasn’t clear, things seemed vague, I had been home for nearly six months and haven’t been to hospital in eight. Why was she wanting to meet me?
Because I felt close to her when I was back in hospital, I decided to give the benefit of the doubt and meet with her. I mean what danger was I going to be in after all, I was meeting her in a hospital of all places!
Come the day I met with her, things felt different that morning. I was genuinely excited to see her again and so I planned to arrive a little early so I had enough time to speak with her. It had been ages since I had even heard her voice.
We spoke for a while. Mostly catching up on how things have been now that I’m home and the transitions in both our lives. Though some time had passed and she steered the conversation towards a question that I felt was the whole intention for meeting with me.
She brought up a story from the end of my hospital stay that started shifting my emotional health, a story that was the catalyst for a supportive network to be in my life.
Then she shared, “Matt we have a program at this hospital called the P.A.R.T.Y Program. Party stands for preventing alcohol and risk related trauma in youth. It’s an immersive day where 30 or so young people the same age as you will come through various parts of the hospital emergency, ICU, the trauma wards and even see actors staging an emergency visit as well as watch a couple confronting videos. It’s all about prevention and showing them the reality of risk taking behaviours. At the end of the day, the young people hear from a couple injury survivors who share their story. Matt, would you be open to sharing your story at the P.A.R.T.Y Program? I think you’d be a great fit.”
Being someone who never liked sharing and speaking about himself, I didn’t need to overthink this question. I shared with her that it wasn’t really my thing and that I wasn’t open to it.
She reminded me of that story back in hospital and asked me, “Matt, remember that guy on the train and what sharing with him did for you? What if you could help other, help you?”
When I heard those words, it was as if a flick was switched from within me.
Maybe it was because of the respect I had for her, maybe it was my uncertainty and her asking a direct question that almost eliminated my doubts. Whatever it was, my mind shut off for a moment and my heart felt as if it was bursting, almost as if it was trying to tell me something. Simultaneously, a thought came to mind, “Hey, Matt, what if you could help someone else? How would that feel?”
The sensation in my heart amplified and before I said no, I said, “Yes.”
As inspired as I felt throughout that moment, my first time sharing was the exact opposite with all the doubts returning. Despite that, I followed my word and followed through in the uncertainty of it all.
Looking to where I am now and where that one decision has led me makes me grateful for not only my social worker and those young people present that day, but for everything in my past.
It all led to that and saying “Yes” to that one opportunity was the decision I never knew I made.
How often do things like that come up?
Things like:
An opportunity
A person you met
A thing you did
Something you said
Things that come from within without any conscious thought yet unfold to be beautiful things down the line.
I believe those moments arise more than we realise, though how we can become more aware of them is that if something aligns with our highest values and feels “right”, then say “Yes!”
What other decision could be better?
